Hello November thoughts.

Am I stupid or what?!

The results date is looming - seriously, it will come before I even know it - and what am I searching for online? How to apply for Leave of Absence.

Gurh. But to tell the truth, it is in line with what I planned out.

I am supposed to take a leave of absence to start looking for a job right?

I've actually started sending resumes. Okay. Two. But that's better than nothing.

Thing is, I know job hunting is tough, but not this tough. I mean, I've been through the whole jig. Sent out 100 resumes before I got this wonderful job, got discriminated against because of my race (yes, it is a constant blob in my memory), been on quite a few interviews and done quite a few tests, changed around jobs quite a bit.

But the Korean job market isn't as friendly to foreigners (unlike ours). Unless you want to be an English teacher. Which is a path I am willing to consider if it will get me to where I want to be eventually.

I just finished (or rather, just finished with) reading this blog about a Singaporean lady who upped and went to stay in Korea. And her motivation? 2AM.

I'm sorry to say this, but that is quite loser-ish. But then again, who am I to say that eh? I'm stopping a bit to think about my own motivations, and I can't say that I'm much different.

Okay, I am not going to Korea because I think I will somehow bump into the man of my dreams in Korea. Who happens to be from Super Junior. Or that I will somehow land a nice plump job as a manager in an entertainment company. And I will be at the centre of digital music development in Asia. Right.

No, I was totally not thinking that.

But my motivation, I can safely say, doesn't sway towards the winner-ish side, either. The main reason I want to go to Korea is because I want to get out of here. Korea just happens to be because.

Not that here is terrible. I have a nice family (although my mom can sometimes convince me otherwise), I have a beautiful job that I can show off about (haha, yes I am talking to you, you pathetic IT professionals and civil servants with sad pretend social lives), and I am perfectly comfortable here.

Except, I don't like being comfortable. I need to be challenged. I need excitement.

And that's not to say I'm way comfortable here either. I hate the government. I hate how we have all been conditioned to believe that money is everything. I hate how I am expected to conform or die here.

And from my recent trip to Seoul, I did consider the negative consequences that might occur if I were to move there.

But honestly, now that I've had the time to type this out and to consider why on earth I am doubting my decisions and plans, I'm back to being normal again.

All I need to do is to take one step at a time.

It's not like I am not working hard to change my life. I've sent in my applications, I'm now searching for jobs in Korea, I'm turning that idea into reality slowly and steadily.

All I need now is my admission results and then I need to think about if I want to up and go do the language course or if I want to simply go on here for a while longer while I sort things out and go for a language course later on.

Gurh. Sometimes when you've got no support, you've got to keep the rah-rah in your head going. I think I've lost count of the number of times I've blogged about this theme.

Sheesh.